Tidbits from the Teacher's Desk

Last night I had a teacher dream. I dreamed that I was asked to present awards to students at an all school assembly. As I was standing behind the curtain, someone handed me an "award." It was a Kewpie-like doll dressed in a toga and bearing a banner that read, "Congratulations on your 'D' or 'F'!" The dream-me was appalled. Have we truly come to this, I wondered, making sure every child receives an award so he/she doesn't feel left out? I thought giving an award for an "F" negated the whole purpose of the thing.

This afternoon wasn't so dreamy. I spent three hours this morning proctoring the Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test. I worked in the room with some 6th grade ESE students (before: they were "Special Education; now, they're "Exceptional Students" for what it's worth). There were five of us adults in the large computer lab and maybe a dozen students. Two of the students had their very own private proctor, someone whose job it was to sit there and listen to the kid read or poke him if he fell asleep during the test. Three hours of walking endless laps around the lab. Three hours of watching students attack The Beast, Florida's standardized test that all students in grades 3-12 take. It was a long morning. One of the kids didn't get a single answer down in the first hour of testing. He was a 14 year old kid repeating the 6th grade, again. That's the problem with pass/fail high-stakes testing. One of these days, you're going to have that kid driving to school and taking your parking place.

Good things about standardized testing. 1) In terms of curriculum, we're all on the same page. The Sunshine State Standards clearly sets forth what students are to know at each grade level, and that's what shows up on the FCAT. 2) We can see how we measure up, not only to other schools in Florida, but to schools nationwide as well. 3) As I told my students, we're not talking rocket science. FCAT is comprised of basic skills. Mastering these skills means you should be able to make your way in the world.

Bad things about standardized testing. 1) Not all kids test well. Some have test anxiety, some just don't relate to the bubble-in mindset. 2) Kids whose second language is English are required to test if they've been in the country a year. These kids face a heavy language load on the FCAT. They have to figure out what the question is asking before they can answer it. 3) Too much rides on the back of The Beast -- everything from the courses students take next year to the amount of money schools receive for making the grade. Teachers in TX are now being given bonuses if their kids perform well on the state standardized test. How about the hard-working teachers whose kids don't do well? My friend Missy says that's like paying the dentist a bonus if his patients have no cavities. There are simply too many factors involved to put it all on the teacher's shoulders.

So, we are once again in the season of FCAT. I had a not-so-dreamy afternoon. The "Educational Opportunities" after testing consisted of watching animated films broadcast over the school cable system, and my cable has been Out of Order for two weeks. The librarian finally sent down a DVD player and "Ice Age Two: The Meltdown" so I plugged it in. I almost had a meltdown. The kids were noisy and restless both periods. Even my "good" class got yelled at today, and I finally turned the movie off. I can look forward to two more days of testing. I hate unstructured time. It is definitely not a good thing with the students that I have.

On the positive side, I have to give kudos to my black mamas. Last Friday, I had a mama come in my classroom before 7 a.m., trailing her 6th grade daughter behind her. Jerri is in my last class of the day, an ESE student, quiet (except when she gets a case of the giggles), and a hard worker. Mama wanted to know why Jerri wasn't doing better in my class. I pulled up the electronic gradebook and showed her some low test and quiz grades. "Jerri, you can't be doing that. Uh huh. No, sir. Girl, you need to come in here and work for Mrs. Parker. You can't be fooling around. That is not acceptable. What are you thinking, girl? You are not going to do that." Mama went on and on while daughter listened balefully. After school, I had another conference with a young man from my first period class and his mama. Mama was all over him like white on rice. "What do you mean, bringing home these grades? What is wrong with you? You need someone to stand over you all the time and make you work? It's time for you to grow up. You can't be falling asleep in class and all this other foolishness." Then, she said, "I have had you checked out, boy, from head to toe. We went to the doctor. You remember that? I listened to the doctor for two and a half hours tell me there was nothing wrong with you. You don't have any mental problems and you don't have hemmaroids, so there's no reason for you to be bringing home these grades and fidgeting in your seat!" And on and on. That was a lecture that should have been given at home, but I am grateful for parents who are involved and who care. It makes my job easier and it gives me a trump to play in class. "Would you like me to call your mother -- right now?" works every time.

That's enough for today. I'm whipped and I have to face FCAT again tomorrow. I wish I could take the test with the kids. Then the three hours watching them wouldn't be so monotonous.